|Apparently there is more to life than first turn Shi-En|
I Often Find Social Interaction Draining, I Relax on my ownI've always been happy in my own company - one of the main reasons I have so many hobbies - and thats fine and totally healthy.
|One man Wolfpack 4 lyfe|
|The clubs are just as crowded on the internet as irl these days|
I play the Jester Because I want to be Liked
I think it's possible that I developed a keen grasp of humour at an early age because I wanted to be liked and that need for acceptance has grown into a refined persona I use to 'fit in' as an adult. This leaves me in an interesting position as I now essentially have two personalities: the solitary, quiet, vaguely artistic gent who paints models and makes costume props and keeps people at arms length and the confident, roguish young man with a twinkle in his eye and a need to be liked and laughed at. Is one the more essential expression of self? Are both healthy? Are both rooted in some third all encompassing personaily which is simultaniously creative and self depricating, in need of both intimacy and more space to breathe? Who am I really? Should I listen to less Linkin Park?
|CRAWLING IN MY SKIN, THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEALLLLLLLLLL|
What am I Trying to Say
I guess I'm essentially two people. I wear a jester's mask in public a lot of the time and that's something I've done for as long as I could crack a joke, it's too late to stop now. As my personality has developed so has the mask so it must be as much a part of me as anything else. While being a solitary artistic brooding type may be easier its far sillier and I'm not going to win many friends doing it so I should accept that not every social interaction is going to enrich me as a person. I have friends and people close to me who do energise me so I should spend more time with them, not create solitary projects to give me reasons to avoid them because it's less hassle. People can be difficult but the more you go out there, the more likely you are to meet someone you really connect with and that is truthfully all a lot of us are after. So it's time for me to stop worrying about me and start looking at other people. They deserve a good laugh to.
Stay Crunchy Internet