Nothing Here is Ever What it Seems

Hello, my name is Simon Payne and I enjoy reading books, gaming and artistic pursuits (who am I kidding, I like Warhammer and similar nerdy things). I like to make bold statements, can be unnecessarily confrontational and enjoy intellectual arguments so much it borders on social self destruction. I also enjoy the company of cats.

As you may have also noticed I rarely use 5 letters when 55 will suffice and am sometimes what scientists refer to as "a pretentious little faggot". I try to stay in control of this side of my personality and it only tends to come out at dinner parties after I've had too much to drink but as I've already named this blog after a Fish album from 1990 and am quite possibly already drunk you're just going to have to roll with it for now.

I started this blog in an attempt to get over an ex girlfriend who cheated on me (with one of my best friends... I'm not bitter) because I know there's nothing the Internet loves more than voyeuristicaly - it is a word shut up -  watching people have nervous breakdowns and misery. I was also hoping to share some of the things I've learnt during my gradual, slimy evolution from teenage nerd to man-child without a cause. I can't promise quality... or quantity... or any kind of regular update schedule but I promise if you read my blog God will reward you with many lolcats in heaven.

If you don't like cats I'm afraid we may not get along

So there you have it, I'm basically the same as all the other slightly jaded internet guys out there. There is one major difference however, most of them have never had an armed police squad after them due to a case of mistaken identity. Is that true? Does it have an entertaining and satisfying story attached to it? Will you get to read it if you visit my blog again? POSSIBLY!

Stay Crunchy Internet